Together Digital Power Lounge, Women in Digital with Power to Share
Digital is a demanding and competitive field. And women are still grossly underpaid & underrepresented. But we are not powerless; we have each other. Together Digital Power Lounge is your place to hear authentic conversations from women in digital who have power to share. Listen and learn from our amazing guests along with host Amy Vaughan, Owner and Chief Empowerment Officer of Together Digital. Together Digital is a diverse and collaborative community of women who work in digital who choose to share their knowledge, power, and connections. To learn more, visit www.togetherindigital.com.
Together Digital Power Lounge, Women in Digital with Power to Share
Regulate Your Nervous System with EFT
Welcome to The Power Lounge, your go-to space for engaging conversations with influential leaders. This episode features Amy Vaughan in conversation with Jewell Siebert, a retired Army colonel turned bestselling author and EFT practitioner. Jewell's unique blend of military experience and emotional wellness expertise is reshaping how women tackle high-pressure careers.
Jewell shares her journey from military life to mastering Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a practice designed to manage stress and enhance confidence. Discover how tapping into this method can calm anxiety and help you face challenges with assurance.
Explore Jewell's personal transformation, learn about the nervous system's response to stress, and gain practical EFT techniques for your professional life. This episode offers valuable insights into the link between childhood experiences and emotional triggers, empowering you to build lasting self-confidence. Whether you're familiar with EFT or new to the concept, this conversation provides the tools to foster a more balanced and empowered self.
Jewell Siebert, based in San Antonio, TX, lives with her daughter and two playful black cats.
Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction
00:10 - "Power Lounge: Empowerment & EFT"
05:31 - Stress Response and Survival Mode
09:41 - "Triggers, Nervous Systems, and Tapping"
13:04 - "Understanding Inner Child Trauma"
15:46 - Tapping Techniques for Imposter Syndrome
19:31 - Subtle Stress-Relief Techniques
24:09 - "The Second Arrow of Pain"
26:24 - Body Informs Brain Reaction
29:58 - "Feel, Process, Show Compassion"
33:20 - "Compartmentalizing and Leading Through Adversity"
35:18 - Emotional Regulation in Leadership
38:24 - Navigating Stress and Burnout Spectrum
42:14 - "Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns"
45:00 - "Science, Experience, and Skepticism"
50:52 - "Tapping for Calm and Clarity"
51:59 - "Podcast, Community, and Growth"
52:41 - Outro
Quotes:
"Real transformation starts when we allow ourselves to feel and make space for where we are."- Jewell Siebert
"By understanding our nervous system and listening to our bodies, we reclaim our power in overwhelming moments."- Amy Vaughan
Key Takeaways:
Breaking the Stigma of Stress Management
Understanding EFT: Tapping into Calm and Confidence
Healing Begins with the Inner Child
Embracing All Emotions—Even the Messy Ones
Practical Tools You Can Use Today
From Burnout to Breakthrough
Self-Compassion as Foundation
Connect with Jewell Siebert:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/Jewell-siebert-8a8986101/
Website: https://Jewellsiebert.com/
Connect with the host Amy Vaughan:
LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/amypvaughan
Podcast:Power Lounge Podcast - Together Digital
Learn more about Together Digital and consider joining the movement by visiting Home - Together Digital
Hello everyone and welcome to your weekly power lounge. This is your place to hear authentic conversations from those who have power to share. My name is Amy Vaughn, and I am the owner and chief empowerment officer of Together Digital, a diverse and collaborative community of women who choose to share their knowledge, power, and connections. You can join the movement at TogetherIndigital.com. And today I am thrilled to welcome someone who brings a unique combination of military discipline, clinical expertise, and compassionate healing into our amazing together community of high-performing, high-achieving women. Jules Seibert is a retired Army colonel, best-selling author, and clinically certified EFT practitioner who trans is who is transforming how we understand and regulate our nervous system in our high stress world. We need this, Jules. I was just telling her before we got on. I was like, I don't know about the rest of our listeners, but I so need today's episode. Um, after a distinguished military career, Jewel has decided to throw herself into helping people integrate their inner child and uh rediscover their authentic selves through the power of emotional freedom technique or tapping. Her approach isn't just about managing stress, it's about fundamentally transforming our relationship with our emotions and unlocking our most empowered selves. In an industry like ours that is overwhelmed is the norm and imposter syndrome runs rampant. Jules' work couldn't be more timely, as I mentioned earlier. So whether you're preparing for a big presentation, navigating the workspace comp uh worksplace competition, or just simply trying to quiet that critical inner voice we all know. Uh, Jules is here to share science-backed techniques that can create calm and lasting confidence. So please, everyone, join me in welcoming Jul Seibert to the Power Lounge. Welcome, Jules.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you, Amy. I'm so happy to be here.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. And like I said, such a needed thing. Nervous system regulation in a high pressure, high-stakes world. Um, you know, we'll probably get into some of like the science and the things behind this, but you know, I only heard about tapping probably in the last two or three years. And then when I people bring it up, they're like, how did you learn about it? How do you know about it? There's such a curiosity around it. And for someone like you, really curious as to how this became a thing for you, going from a colonel to an EFT practitioner, that's quite the pivot. Um, what sparked that transition for you from military service into helping people regulate their nervous system through something like tapping?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's crazy, right? Everyone's always like, what? So I had I had started off as active duty. I spent 14 years. I went to West Point and went to spent 14 years as an active duty army officer. And about that time, um, I got pregnant, and then my daughter was born. And, you know, when I was pregnant, I was like, do I stay in? Do I get out? You know, because I had served my obligation. And when she was born, I just had this moment, you know, and I knew because I had deployed, I've been on four deployments, two trips to Korea, and I liked it, but it wasn't my it wasn't the end-all be-all for like my soul, essentially. And I just decided, you know, I want to do something different. I don't want to be away from her because I knew I was gonna be gone again, but I didn't want to be away from her on something that wasn't it, you know, I wasn't gonna be happy-ish. So I got out after that, but I still stayed in the reserves, of course, and that's how I continued on, but I didn't know what I was gonna do. So I went to um, I got a certification with Jack Canfield, and I was at one of his programs, and you know, a piece of it was tapping, and I thought it was nuts, Amy. I thought it was nuts because we're sitting there and he's like, Okay, I'm gonna teach you this way to like regulate your nervous system. It's called tapping, and here's how you do it. And we're sitting there and I'm like, I'm supposed to, oh, there's my cat. Hi cat. We love it when the pets make an appearance, it's all good. They're both they're both here. But I was like, so I'm supposed to hit myself in the face and feel better. Better. This is I was like, You're nuts, this is nuts, but we did it, you know, we all did it, and I felt the shift in my body. And my partner who was leading me through was like, Jewel, you look different. And I was like, I feel different, and then I became obsessed. I just started learning it and you know, doing all the things and doing all the training, and it fascinated me, you know, the the science behind it, how our brains and bodies work, and then just how I felt and the changes I saw in myself and other people, I mean, I became obsessed.
SPEAKER_02:Makes sense. I think a lot of us here at Together Digital, we're chronic learners. And once we find a tool or a trick or something, right, that just makes life more manageable and easier, whether that's job or just lifing in general, we're we go down that rabbit hole. So we can relate, Joel. Yeah. So for those who are maybe a little unfamiliar with EFT, could you walk us through a little bit of what happens to our nervous system when we're in that fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response and and how how does something actually work?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. So when we're going about our life and you know, we're taking in all this information, and something will, something will happen that tells our bodies that we cannot meet the requirements, you know, our resources, whether it's skills, knowledge, time, whatever, we cannot meet the outside world's requirements. And this can happen like because we're in chronic stress, it can happen because like a one-time event happened, or because like seemingly non-threatening things that we learned from before are triggering us. So our brain goes into high gear, and the amygdala and the hippocampus, everything starts saying, we are under attack, there's a threat, we need to survive. So our body immediately starts producing the stress hormones. Um, our early, our um immediate early genes turn on, and you know, we just start going and our body starts doing the things like the fast heart rate, the quicker breathing, um, diverting blood to our extremities so we can either fight or fight or just freeze, you know, it's it goes into survival mode. Well, this is perfect, it is a beautiful system. You know, it's our sympathetic nervous system, it is doing this to keep us safe. But in situations where we're not actually in danger, right? Like that's a problem. Because we can't, you know, if you're giving a presentation and you you're the blood is going from the logical, rational thinking part of your brain, and the you know, you you don't remember what you want to say. So, you know, uh tapping comes in and it's a combination of um cognitive behavioral therapy. Well, it's it takes elements from it, uh elements from exposure therapy and acupressure. And you you tap, you physically tap on these different points in your body, these acupoints, while you're thinking or saying, or you know, just feeling these things, and it sends a signal to your body that I am safe. And your amygdala says, Oh, wait, I'm safe. I can stop the stress response. So it shifts from the sympathetic nervous system, you know, the parasympathetic nervous system turns on. And so that allows you to have these same thoughts, but while being physiologically like calmed. And that is amazing because then it allows your brain to write create new neural pathways. So, you know, you can say, like, oh, I'm freaking out, I have this presentation, but your body is saying I'm safe. And then your brain says, wait, I can be safe even while thinking this. So it brings you relief in the moment, but it can also bring you relief in future events. So it's not as intense or it doesn't happen as frequently, or you recover faster. So it's not about oh, I'm sorry, I get really wound up. Oh, it's great, keep going. It's not about like just being even keeled, but it's about having appropriate levels of emotional responses to things.
SPEAKER_02:Because, like, from an evolutionary standpoint, right, our brain doesn't know whether we're walking into a den of lions, right? Or standing up in front of 10 people to do a presentation or a pitch, right? And I've heard it described as like our our brain is like a bottom-up processor, right? So it starts in like our reptilian part of our brain, which is like that fight, flight, or flee, right? So it starts from the bottom, and like you were saying, it kind of works with the amygdala, but it's also that prefrontal cortex was what we need to be like logical and rational. And it's like you just get stuck, like everything gets stuck in that part of the brain, and the body responds. And like you were saying, I wanted to call this out as you said it because you kind of you mentioned it, and I don't know if our listeners really picked it up, but trauma is encoded in your DNA. Like that's how we survive. So whether you know it or not, past events are still living within your body, and that's how your body just keeps you safe. And when it feels or sees, or is that's what we that's what we mean by trigger, right? It's like when you feel that or you see that that thing, that's what initiates and sets off that part of your body. And so it's like you're you feel like you're in such danger, but it's like a phone call from your mom, you know, or like a presentation that you have to do, you know, it's so interesting how learning, like you said, how your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems work, kind of even just having that understanding is so helpful. Um, but having the tool of tapping, it's that that's just like next level. And I think does this kind of compare to, I'll throw in a bonus question for those who are kind of more into some of this stuff too. Um, is like, is this kind of similar in a way to kind of work through things like you were talking about a little bit of rehardwing, reprogramming as EMDR?
SPEAKER_00:And can you give people a little bit about that too, in case I'm talking over anybody's head, which I don't mean to be, but yeah, no, and I just want to preface by saying I am not an expert in EMDR. However, tapping does use some elements. There are some more advanced techniques where you use the eye movements because you know the way everything is connected in the brain and the the memories, all of it kind of combines back here. So they're very complementary approaches, and EFT does pull some elements from EMDR as well. And because like the memories, um, I think it's so important what you said about the that's literally wired in our brain. Because our memories are from, you know, we have long term and short term, but we also have sensory. So it's something you see or smell or hear or taste, like those things, because it's all it's all connected in your brain. And even before the limbic system forms, you know, it's it's the fastest growing part of our brain from zero to 18 months. And so that's storing everything, and that's pre-language. So that's encodes your emotions, you know, all that, all that information that we can't even verbalize. It's just there. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And it's just so fascinating. I'm sure you see this with the people that you work with and coach, but I think some people would be surprised to know how much, like you just said, zero to 18 months, how much is getting encoded, how much about our inner child is sort of hardwired within us and how it can start to reappear at any point in adulthood, you know, and so it feels and seems so disconnected and so random. But really spending time and working about and going through about the process of integrating the inner child, um, I would love for you to kind of dive into that and why that's actually so important and how reconnecting with that part of ourselves can help to regulate and manage stress, even in our professional lives. Like it sounds crazy, y'all, but that that childhood you still hanging out.
SPEAKER_00:It is, it is. And even just like five or 10 years younger versions of us, but I didn't really understand the inner child when I first heard about it. I was like, what is this? Some pop psychology. Like, I don't understand. So, but I love it now. So the inner child, if you want to think of the inner child, it's a combination of things. So, you know, our hippocampus, our limbic system, our amygdala, and the essence of who we are. So when people, well, in this context, when we're talking about the inner child, you'll be going through life and you experience something. And, you know, people say like they talk about big T trauma when something really bad happens, or they'll use the term small T trauma, where we feel like we're in a traumatic event, we'll feel like we're threatened and we're isolated, but maybe our perception of it um doesn't match reality, but we still have that impact. So when we're talking about inner child, we're looking at what happened, an event that happened, or something that happened that taught our brains um information about how the world works, how other people work, how we are, and we needed to do something to survive. And like, say for example, like you're in school, you know, you're like what, seven and giving a presentation at school, and you get up and you give this presentation, and the kids laugh at you because you forget about what you say we're supposed to say, and the kids laugh at you, and you're embarrassed, and you just want to go home and they make fun of you. Well, that's that's a big deal for a kid. That's that can destroy them. And so they can remember like little Timothy sitting there with the, you know, whatever, like looking at them. Well, their brains learn it's not safe for me to speak up. I I am the type of person who forgets things, and people are gonna judge me. And that's wired in their brain. So they will take that and moving forward. So you can you can practice, you can willpower, you can give yourself like positive talk. But when you go to give a presentation in the future, you're still gonna have like these things like, oh, they're gonna judge me, they're gonna stare at me like this, I'm gonna, I'm the type of person that forgets what I say. So when you go back and you work on those aspects of you and see what's really going on, and then make it safe, because again, you can't logically, you can't just logically address this. You need to soothe your nervous system. Right. And when you do that, you can learn a new way, you know, teach yourself a a different thing as possible.
SPEAKER_02:I love that that you're saying you don't have to just force your way through it. That by actually like taking a pause and thinking about like what those triggers could be, what were the instances, what are the what are the truths, what are the narratives, what are the stories, it seems like such a more lasting way than just powering through. Yes, you know, faking it till you make it, you know, it feels like that would be a lot. Um, so we've got a couple of live listeners with us today. So hi friends, thank you for joining us and listening live. We always love it. If you have questions as we're having this conversation that you want to get from, you know, answered by Jill, please ask them. That's why we have you here. We love to ask, give, and grow with Together Digital. We always want to make sure that, you know, you all are being heard and you're getting what you need from the conversation. Um, so my next question is actually on behalf of our members who I know struggle a lot with um the supposed imposter syndrome and which is really just self-criticism. Um, can you share a specific tapping technique that they could possibly use? We're talking about presentation, so maybe this is like what's a tapping technique I could use right before a big meeting or presentation. And I'm like literally cold hands, numb arms, heart racing.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Okay, so for presentation specifically, I would recommend to like tap on it before the moment. Okay. You know, when you're in, um, but right before the tapping. So we always start on a side. Do you want me to go through the tapping points to tell what they're doing?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, let's start there. That's absolutely. And um, let's like make sure we're framing reference for those who aren't watching as well, obviously, that are just listening. Thank you. That's a good reminder.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So we start with the side of the hand. So if sometimes you'll hear it called the karate chop point. So if you think about taking your hand and like physically chopping a piece of wood, it would be this end side of your palm. So you tap on there. The next tapping point is the top of the head. So if you were to take your fingers on your ears and draw a point to the top of your head, it's there. Next is inside the eyebrow. So it's there on both sides. So like right where your eyebrow meets the bridge, the top of your nose. And next is outside the eye. So kind of kind of near your temple. Next is oh, and also I have a worksheet that I can share, like a little graphic, so you don't have to memorize this. But next is under the eye on the orbital bone. And then is that spot between your nose and your lip. And next is on the chin, like that bump, you know, where your chin starts to go out, right above that. And then next is a couple inches like under your collarbone. You know, there's like kind of that softer area. And next is under your armpit, like a hands with a hands width down, kind of where your bra is. So those are the points in the basic recipe. So when you're going through, you don't have to do all the points, but you can. But like you're nervous right before a talk, right before we logged on here, I did it. Uh, but you can tap on the side of your hand and just acknowledge what you're feeling. So, like, even though I am so nervous, I accept that I feel this way. Even though I feel like I'm going to forget everything and mess it all up, and everyone's gonna think I'm an idiot. I am safe right here, right now. Even though I'm not gonna know what to do, and I'm probably gonna get fired and it's gonna destroy all my credibility. You know, just go off. I am safe right here right now because all the things come out. You know, you can do that, and like if you're you can most people and then go through the points and just say what you're feeling and say, I'm open to it being easy. Or you could just not even say a thing. Um, and this is great to go through the tapping points if you're comfortable doing it in public, or if you have like a spot where you can like be alone. Yeah, but if you're not comfortable doing it in public, you can get away with doing it in private. So, like if I'm in a big presentation setting, like especially when I was like in the reserves and I wouldn't want to like sometimes I did, but like if it was a big group, I would sit there because you can have your hand in your lap and just push, just push on these points. And you know, if you're like if you're doing this on a tapping point and like touching the side of your eye, or like just rubbing your head, nobody's gonna know what you're doing. These are normal human behaviors, yeah. So, and you just think I am so stressed out, or you know, just I'm open to being calm, but I feel really scared right now. So I love that.
SPEAKER_02:It's like so cash. I know one of my therapists in the past years, and I think I've mentioned this on the episode before, had taught me like taking and like if I'm in a meeting, like just taking my hands and I've got my headphones on, so they're in the way, but like putting my hands on top of my head like that, even just the pressure to like around, but that is a topping point too. And like you said, like the temples, it's such a hmm, I'm holding my chin. I'm just thinking, you know, like you really can sort of subversively do it. Yes, and those moments. I love that so much because yeah, not all of us can step away. And again, even as you've been showing like the hand things, like you guys that are watching right now can see me from the chest up. You can't see my hands, so you can't tell if I've been doing the tapping on my hands or anything like that. So, yeah, there's a lot of really cool ways, I think, that you can kind of do it if you can't get away and do it privately. So I love, love, love those tips. That's awesome. Um, we did have a comment. Um, oh Candice was saying she's been following Nick Ortner. Did I say his name right for a while? But I don't understand the difference between EFT and a good massage. That's and then I was like, all these points you're messaging or telling us about Jewel. I'm like, that's why I like facials.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. They're all touch. So if you're so massages that go on your pressure points will also relax you. Um, you can use EFT in different ways too. So there's like you can do it to yourself, but you can you can work through like big events or fears, you know. You like a massage and EFT are both really good for overall relaxation of your nervous system. I would use EFT if I want to rewire neural pathways.
SPEAKER_02:I love it. I love it. Um, oh, let's see, we've got more questions. I love it. And yes, you're welcome, Candace. Thank you for chiming in. We love it. Um, for Bell's palsy, facial paralysis, any tips? Great question.
SPEAKER_00:Ooh, so like in terms of helping with it, I would imagine so, yeah. So one of the things tapping is often used for physical issues. And what I would do is start with whatever emotions are around it and start with accepting it. Like, for example, um, I would I would if it if I was working with you, I would say, even though I have facial paralysis, I accept that this is how I am. Even though I don't want to have facial paralysis, I am safe right here, right now. You know, validate your current condition and then dig into the emotions that you're having around it. Because a lot of times we'll have physical symptoms and then we'll have emotions and stress about having those physical symptoms. Yeah. And that makes it worse. So letting yourself be okay with the fact that this is how it is, like any transformation, right? Any physical, mental, emotional transformation, being okay with where you are and accepting like there's nothing wrong with me. This is my reality. I'm gonna stop fighting my reality and stop putting all this energy into it. That is the first step in any transformation from what I have learned and seen.
SPEAKER_02:I love that so much. Um, it reminds me of, and it's so funny because my daughter, gosh, she's 12, but she's so wise for her age. And I had told her about the theory of the second arrow, and I think it's like a Buddhist principle or philosophy or something. I can't remember exactly where I heard it, but um, definitely in the camp of like mindfulness, and it's like beware of the second arrow. The first arrow is like when something happens to us and the pain of what that thing is, the second arrow is the pain of like trying to not acknowledge and accept what happened to us. Like you double the pain. It's the second arrow, and it's like you've literally shot it at yourself when instead it's like, can you find a way to um accept, acknowledge, embrace, hold space for that pain? And then, like you said, kind of find other ways to kind of calm your nervous system, let you tell yourself know that you are you are safe. I do wonder too, with like um Bell's palsy and facial paralysis. I have I actually have a friend who um was diagnosed with that. Um, gosh, it's been over a decade now. Um, I guess if you have any kind of like numbness or paralysis in your face, does tapping those points in your face still work? I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to get at with your question, Z, but I was just kind of curious.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I don't know. I would I would think so. But I'm not familiar enough with with facial facial facial paralysis and bell's palsy to know. But it's the tapping on the meridians. So as long as the the I want to say messaging, but you know, it sends signals through our the nerves, right?
SPEAKER_02:Right? Yeah, it's like the muscles are paralyzed, but maybe the nerves are obviously still receiving.
SPEAKER_00:So maybe that, and there's also alternate points. And then, you know, once you're once you've you know, you can st I would still tap on them, you know, I would still tap on them and see if they'll go through. And then you can also have conversations with parts of yourself, so you could say, this is like after you've been okay, but like, you know, what is there anything you want to tell me? You know, you could talk to these physical, like when people have like any pains in their body, a useful technique is to like have a conversation with that part of you, like it's another person. And see, is it storing any emotion inside of it? Because again, like the second arrow, there's layers on top of it.
SPEAKER_02:Layers, yeah. Um, good point, Z. She says all the points um that you showed are also acupuncture points or acupuncture points. 100%. It's all related to like the nervous system and where the body emits. Like it's it's so funny. Like we often think, and people who've done biofeedback, you know, are familiar with biofeedback know this too. It's like we think that the body or the brain informs the body, but it's not that. Like the body actually informs the brain more than anything. So it's like if your heart rate starts to go up, your brain starts to panic and fear sets in because your body responds to both excitement and fear in the same way. And so, like, that's one trick I've always had when I have to speak or do something that makes me nervous. I'll be like, I'm not scared, I'm excited. I'm just really excited to be here. And then my body's like, oh, okay, well, this feels like excitement, sure. And that's the brain taking over and saying, okay, listen, body, you're not gonna hijack this moment. I'm gonna tell you instead of you tell me. But oftentimes it really goes the other way. And really learning how to pay attention to like your body sensations and heart rate are really, really important. Um, we did have one other question about how hard do we tap?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, that's a great question. You do not have to tap that hard. There is no correlation between like if I tap really hard, I'll get results faster.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Uh just a gentle touch, you know, don't it, it should not hurt you. And you can you can tap on either side of the body, both sides. You know, I just do, and if you can't hit every tapping point because you have like some kind of discomfort, right? Just skip it.
SPEAKER_02:Great question, Z. And a good reminder for me that I need to go back to acupuncture because oh my gosh, it is the best thing for stress and anxiety, in my opinion. Awesome. All right, let's see. My next keep the questions and comments coming, folks. We love it. Um, you know, I think you and and a lot of folks that are kind of in this space, which I love to hear, really believe and understand, like what you were saying earlier is acknowledging, right? Aware and acknowledge. So all emotions serve a purpose, even the hard ones, right? Especially the hard ones, right? The ones we want to ignore or push away or avoid. How can we shift from avoiding the uncomfortable emotions and actually start to learn from them?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that I love that. So I truly believe that there are no negative emotions. They're all a message, just like information. Like we feel angry when we've been, there's an injustice, you know, or sad when there's grief. But they can also feel very uncomfortable and like we can't handle them. Um now when we we do have a tendency to numb out, and I will say numbing out is an adaptive response because sometimes we're not, we don't have the capacity to feel it, and our body will numb out. And I'll say, in that case, let yourself numb out, but again, tap on it, you know, be gentle with yourself. Say it's okay that I'm numb. When I'm ready, I'll be able to heal, you know, I'll be ready to feel it. So you make it safe. And when I went through my divorce, I spiraled for a bit really hard. Like it was the great thing, but you know, you still like have the a loss of what you wanted, right? Like the dream of what your life was gonna look like. And it felt overwhelming. And I think this is why we tend to avoid emotions a lot because it can feel like too much, and I can't handle it. So, what I did is I did a lot of tapping on, even though this feels terrible and I can't handle it. I know I can handle it, you know, and make it okay and validate again, validate how terrible it feels and give yourself compassion. You know, say, I choose to show myself grace. Because trying to shift out of this, like I think a lot of times we'll like emotionally try to bypass or spiritually bypass and say, Oh, well, I'll focus on the good. You know, the this serves a purpose. Purpose or this is part of God's plan. But if you do that without processing the emotions, you're just gonna bury them in a like a rock inside of yourself. But letting yourself feel it and tapping will give you like soothing or some other, you know, you could do meditations or visualizations, making it safe for you to feel the emotions will let you move through them. And then you can learn from them. Because when you're when you're being triggered, you you cannot learn Jack. Right.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, because your body's gonna body and do what it's going to do because it is like you said earlier, it's in tidal flight, flee, freeze or phone, whatever, all the things that there are that we could possibly do in those moments. And I love that. I think the acceptance is such a big part of it. I think listening to our bodies and learning our feelings, it's such an important thing because we have such limited language around our emotions. There's a great book out there. If you all haven't hardly read it or haven't heard me recommend it before, Atlas of the Heart, um, by Brene Brown. Everybody knows her by now. But the book itself just really talks a lot about the lack of language. So like you were just talking about your divorce, and whatever comes up with that, I always hear, I always remember her term, disenfranchised grief. Whereas like we give such honor, space, and presence and sympathy to people who are have a loss and like a death in the family because there's acknowledged grief, grief. But when it comes to things like losing a pet or going through a divorce or anything else, losing a job, it's very disenfranchised. We're not allowed to grieve. We have to like pull up our big girl pants and we got to go back out there and try to figure out life after going through a great loss that has its own process. So I definitely recommend if you're looking for ways in which you can bring even language to like know how to acknowledge what you're feeling, that's a really good one to check out. All right. So this next question I'm excited to ask because I have family members who've been in the service and who've gone through basic and deploying. Um, and I think a lot of folks who are listening probably know that the in the military showing vulnerability, probably not always encouraged, right? Um, how did your own journey with emotional regulation challenge what you learned about strength and leadership, kind of coming from that space and into this space, which feels very different and more vulnerable?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. You know, I think it actually reinforced what I know about leadership. Um so, you know, when you're when you're in a leadership position, and I think this is true for military, corporate, you know, whatever, you know, owning your business. Stakes are high. Yeah. And when you're in charge, you need to lead with a vision and with confidence and instill that confidence in your subordinates. Like you have a job and bad things also happen. You know, you're you're gonna be scared if losses happen. Like there are bad things that happen. And there is a time and a place for processing that, but like in the moment, like when you lose someone or when something bad happens, that isn't the moment to show to fall apart as a leader, right? So I think in cases like that, you compartmentalize, you set it aside, you help your people manage it because they're feeling it too. You know, you provide, just like being a parent, you provide them with what they need at the moment. And then after you process, you you do what you need to do, you talk to your peers, you talk to your mentors, you work, you work through your own things. And what I've learned since learning about EFT is just how important uh nervous system regulation is to do that because like your nervous system is like a container, right? And this container can handle a certain amount of stress. Like you pour more in and it's gonna overflow. The only and you're not gonna like reduce the amount of liquid that you have to hold. The only thing you can do is increase your container. So you can increase your capacity by learning how to like build your confidence, regulate your nervous system, give yourself a bigger container, and that allows you to be a more level-headed, compassionate, uh, better decision maker, be a better leader overall. Present. Yes, more present. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, and I think it's it's fine to like admit, you know, like, yeah, I don't know how this is gonna work out. We're probably gonna screw it up, but you know, things, bad things are gonna happen, but we're gonna figure it out. Right. So I think the two actually go hand in hand. But being vulnerable in the appropriate time and place with the appropriate audience. Yes, yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_02:And I think that's like to your point, like that's where the inner work has to happen, right? So I think strong leaders are typically the best leaders in my mind, are very like emotionally, like they have a great emotional regulation and um the ability to like think, speak clearly, to be very present, um, to have that sense of confidence. And I think maybe what you're getting at is like, it's not like, and it always required vulnerability. It's just that some people kind of just have it innately a little bit more, and then others just need like us, need some more practice or tools to kind of help us feel all of those things so that then we can show up in the way that others might need us to in order to lead when the stakes are high. Um, I love that. It's such a cool, interesting insight. And again, I think I hope that it helps our listeners find that way and that path towards getting beyond like the fear, the uncertainty, or the scarcity mindset, even by kind of taking into these sort of practices. Because I think in our industry specifically, like digital marketing and advertising agencies, especially, we're kind of constantly in crisis mode. We're running from one fire to the next. And I think, you know, burnout's a big word that gets thrown around, honestly, a lot these days, but definitely within our industry. I think we tried to define it first. It's I'm pretty sure it's the only time somebody in any industry ever just died at their desk from stress was because they were working at an agency. Um seriously, it was like 10 years ago now, but yeah, it happened. Um, but what is the difference between like these acute stress responses versus like chronic nervous system dysregulation? I think it's an important thing to kind of dive into a little bit more for those of us who maybe are listening and sort of not sure is this anxiety, am I developing some PTSD? Like, is there something more going on here that I really need to know that I need to get either more help, put into more practices into place, things like that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So an acute stress response is what our bodies are built for. So we'll have something stressful happen, we'll experience uh symptoms, anxiety, maybe trouble sleeping, um, appetite symptoms, you know, the the normal things. But the the effects will dissipate. It could dissipate within hours, two to three days. Um chronic is it keeps going, keeps going, keeps going. So if if your symptoms don't dissipate after a couple days, definitely I would recommend seeing a mental health practitioner, seeing a doctor. Um we are just not built to handle chronic all the time. It's like it's like sitting there in park with your foot on the gas pedal, just uh, you know, after a while, that engine's gonna stop. And you have to tend to yourself.
SPEAKER_02:That's a great, great analogy. Sitting in the car and park and just running out of gas because you're just pushing that gas pedal so hard. Oh, I know so many of you that are listening feel that right now. So yeah, 100%. And again, I think looking out for and asking for help. It's funny. We talk about, I mean, we talk about mental health a lot in Together Digital. We definitely try to create that safe space for vulnerability and openness. And I even try to model that as well because I think it's just so, so important. Um, but because it's like I see so much where it's that thin line, right, between that acute stress response and that chronic nervous system dysregulation, you can easily just kind of tip over into that side. And I think knowing the difference and not just calling it burnout, I think maybe that's why burnout bothers me because it's to me, it's like a spectrum. And it's like, at what point do you need to just stop the whole like, oh, it's self-care and some extra sleep and hydration versus no, I need to go ask somebody for actual help and get help.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know, yeah. There can be such a stigma against it too, sometimes. Like I know um on one of my deployments, like I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep at all. I just was not, and I was like, this is a problem. You know, after about a week, I'm like, I'm only getting like a couple, like I cannot, I'm exhausted and I'm not sleeping. So I went to see the doc. And uh, you know, he had um a biofeedback machine and that was yeah, but we had one of the leaders in our unit, he was like making fun of the people who went to see the doc. And I'm like, he's helping people, yeah. So I think when that happens, it's important to see, you know, pay enough attention to yourself when you know you need a little something, and don't worry about what other people say about it. Exactly. You're your number and it'll it can like mine a couple couple times, and I was good with that biofeedback, but you know, you never that's great. You need to take care of you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Well, it's I also equate it to, you know, the the brain does not know the difference between physical and emotional pain. It really doesn't. And the way the body responds, I mean, if you just look at like the the like the way like you were just saying, the body starts sending blood, like the body freaks, the brain says, okay, we're gonna move blood from here to here. Like literally your body is your brain is doing, telling the body what to do to get you to like respond, right? And that can become so hard. So it's almost like if you had a big old gash on your leg, literally need stitches, bleeding everywhere. Like you wouldn't be like, nah, you know, the stigma of the hospital, not great. Stitches, like, oh come on, please. That's so woo. I'm not doing that. Nobody would say that. They would go to the freaking doctor and then get stitches and antibiotics and everything else that they need to heal that wound. And so I think we need to start thinking about our emotional wounds as like wounds that we carry. You just can't see them. And, you know, asking for and getting some sort of help, like you shouldn't diminish that. Just because somebody can't see it doesn't mean that your body is not feeling it. You know?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:So I love that story of the biofeedback and you know how it helped you. I'm kind of curious throughout your practice and the what you've been doing for others, if you have a story for yourself or other people where you've had like a powerful transformation that you've seen or you felt when somebody finally learns how to truly regulate their nervous system.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my god, yes. I mean, a lot. Yeah. I can share. I'm sure. Gosh, me, me, is this is the the the one that I always remind myself on like, you know, when you have the hard days and you're like, why do I even bother? And I think about wait, I'm a functioning human. Because um, I didn't always used to be. And you know, I think like what we see on paper and our accomplishments on paper sometimes belie what's going on underneath. Absolutely, yeah. Um, because for me, I had I had an abusive uh family member, and so I had like a pattern of low confidence, right? But I still was functioning. But you know, when you get into these patterns, you tend to repeat the relationships, and you tend to get in unhealthy relationships for you or relationships that don't work for you. And before I was in a very unhealthy relationship, and but I wasn't leaving, and I got to the point where I was emotionally chucked out, and I think it's I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to talk about this, but it shouldn't be like uh I used to numb out a lot and I turned to alcohol, you know, I'd put my daughter to bed, I would drink way too much, and then you know, I was just kind of going throughout my day being a zombie and a ruck. And I really spiraled and I I had these dreams about having like a business and doing all these things, and it just wasn't happening. And then I learned these techniques and the advanced techniques, and I started working with someone on the inner child work and feeling my emotions. Like, I my first session, I I cried for the first time in like years that I can remember crying. I was like, Oh, there's a lot here, yeah. And you know, just working through that has been such a shift. I was I was with my tapping mentor the other day. She goes, Do you understand? Like, you're a completely different person. You would show up a hot mess, yeah, crying. Like you couldn't, you weren't functioning. And now I have like a a place I love, a relationship I love, relationship with my I mean, my daughter and I were always close, but you know, we're as she's getting older, we're we're still super close. I have a business that I love, like things are working, and I feel so calm and comfortable. And it's just that feeling when you're in a hole and now you can breathe. Yeah, like I think everything has changed, and that's why I feel so strongly about this work and what it can do.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, thank you for sharing. I love it. We love hearing the personal stories and experiences because I know somebody that's listening is very is relating hard right now, like is very much like, yes, that is me right now. And to be able to see somebody that's on the other side of it that found the tools and the things that help them kind of like you said, kind of get out of that hole. Um, it's so great. It's so, it's super inspiring. Um, on that note, like, how do you respond to those who are kind of skeptical and maybe dismiss tapping as like woo, unscientific, um, whatever they want to try to say despite all the evidence out there?
SPEAKER_00:I just laugh. I'm like, okay. You're the one missing out. So sorry. Yeah. I mean, there's so many scientific studies. Like, if someone asked me, like, and they're actually being curious, I'd be like, well, yeah, there's all these studies.
SPEAKER_01:Like, sure.
SPEAKER_00:Uh you can look up the science, but if they still don't believe it, you know, you can try it and feel the difference for yourself. But if not, I mean, I've been doing this work for what, 10 years now? Yeah. And a lot of that I was in the army. And so people were like, that's crazy. Like, even my closest friends, they're like, that's nuts. And I'd be like, you are stressing me out. Right. But let me tell you, even today, because you know, I shared about this uh our interview online, and one of my girlfriends even shared and said, I I was a skeptic. We used to joke all the time, but I found myself doing it in a meeting. Like, uh-huh. So if they don't want to do it, that's fine. It's good. I do it. My clients do it, like it's good. I hope they find something that works for them.
SPEAKER_02:Right? Well, right. You're like, yeah, bless your heart. Um, but I do, I really feel like, and it's such a I love that. If for those who are skeptical, just try it. I, you know, because it's one of those things, it's like it's such a simple thing to do. Um, and so on that note, like it being kind of a simple thing to do for somebody who's curious, um, or maybe overwhelmed, what is kind of the simplest way to start incorporating EFT into maybe like their daily routine, you know, again, just to kind of explore and try it and see how it feels.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So you can just you can just tap without even talking, just tap and just let whatever come up, come up. Um I know a lot of people who actually recommend doing like three minutes of just uh no wordless tapping. Okay. And just you can do it if you want to use like scripts or videos, there's a ton. Like you can like tap if you're just starting out and you don't remember the tapping points. I like using a video is super easy. So I have a ton on YouTube. You can just like tap along with the person and change the words to whatever feels good for you. And once you get comfortable with it, you know, you can just do a few minutes a day and see like how it is. And yeah, then you can just make your own make your own words up.
SPEAKER_02:I love it. So it's almost like uh elevated form of meditation in some ways.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. There's a lot of tapping meditations too. You do together.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's so much fun. Oh, I'm gonna be on the YouTube, so I'll be checking you out. That's so awesome. I love it. All right, I have a couple power round questions before we wrap up for the day. Um, these are kind of some fun, quick questions, rapid fire stuff. Um, but again, live listening audience, if you have questions still, we've had a lot of good chat that everything, like thank you for everything. This is amazing, plus all the great questions we've had. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening and for asking your questions and for commenting. Um, but yeah, as we go through these questions, if you've got any other last minute ones for Jewel, please drop them in the chat. All right, what is your go-to tapping point when you need instant calm, Jewel? Collarbone. Collarbone, okay.
SPEAKER_00:At top of the head, too. I like tapping the head in collarbone.
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, so you can't. Like if I'm driving.
SPEAKER_00:If I'm driving, if someone cuts you off, I'll be like, Oh, that's so good.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I like it. No, I'm not I'm never gonna just I'm just never gonna stop tapping now. It's so good. All right, what is um the most unexpected place you've done a quick tapping session?
SPEAKER_00:Um probably the plane. I wasn't planning on it, but an audio book I was listening to triggered me. And so I was like, and then I started crying.
SPEAKER_02:I, oh my gosh, Julie, I needed this three weeks ago when I was sitting on an airplane crying because I was extra hormonal. I had a long week at a conference. My like nervous system was so fried, and then the the San Diego airport shut down for 14 hours because a plane like lost a part of its nose or something crazy. And I was like so ready to be home. And I knew I was going to at least get to Salt Lake City, but there was a good chance I was gonna miss my connecting flight. And it was the longest, most hellish, most nerve-wracking three hours of my life because I'm just watching the time and like everything took longer. Loading the bags took longer, loading the plane took longer, and the whole thing I can see your face. You're already really um, and and I'm just literally sitting there crying on an airplane. I'm gonna grown ass crying on an airplane because I just want to be home and I know I'm going to miss my flight. And I totally did. I missed my connecting flight by 20 minutes and got stuck over it. And I mean, you know, we've all been there, but it is just so like I I wish and maybe we should have had this conversation a few weeks ago. I'd have been just tapping the hell out of my face. People would have been like, but you know what? I'd rather be tapping myself than crying on an airplane.
SPEAKER_00:I was doing both. And the like flight attendant walked by, like, oh honey, I'm like, I'm good.
SPEAKER_02:Start process. And thank you, Candace. She's like, all of us have cried on an airplane at least once. Thank you.
unknown:I'm not alone.
SPEAKER_02:All right. I love this next question. If your inner child could give you your professional self, one piece of advice, what would you play more? Yeah. Absolutely. That's great advice. Way to go. Yeah, Jewel. All right, complete this sentence. Emotional freedom feels like what?
SPEAKER_00:Moving through life with your own soundtrack. You know, like I'm I realize we're also gonna be on the podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Bay can't see us. You know what? I can imagine other people listening in the car right now. They're like, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Like the Emperor's New Group.
SPEAKER_02:Right? I love it. Oh my gosh, Jewel, like I said, this was such a much needed conversation. Y'all, this week and last week, you gotta listen to last week's episode too. That was so good. I think these conversations are just like it's been like the universe saying, okay, this is what we need to hear, ladies. This is what we need to be talking about. Um, but thank you so much for joining us today, Jewel. All of these techniques, you know, again, it's so simple and yet so transformative on how we can literally tap into calm and clarity, confidence. It's such a gift to this community. And, you know, it's a little bit of something that we all need. So for those of you that are listening, I encourage you to even just try one little tapping exercise today. Even as you've been listening here, maybe you've been trying it. Let us know how it's feeling, let us know how you're feeling and know that it's not about pushing it, pushing through or pushing it out. It's about giving ourselves the tools that we need to feel more like ourselves again. So if you've connected with Jewel and you want to learn more about her work, um, you can find her on LinkedIn. Um, and then we'll also include that link in our show notes. Is there any other place that they can find you, Jewel?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so I have a website. I mean, I've YouTube, but on my website, um, there's a really good tapping. You can opt into uh tapping for self-compassion that just really helps. Like if you beat yourself up a lot or you know, I love that's one of my go-to's. So jewelsebert.com.
SPEAKER_02:Jewelsebert.com. Typing in URL now. All right. So remember all of our recordings of our podcast sessions are available for free on YouTube. Um, also our podcast. If you haven't yet, um definitely leave us a review, subscribe, all those good things. It really helps us continue to create this content and share messages like these. And if you're not a Together Digital member yet, I highly recommend it. I know I'm biased, but just trust me. Um, I'm a product of the community itself, as well as Jill shared with her transformation with over um 60 professional development opportunities throughout the year, including master classes, peer groups, and our amazing and supportive online community. Thank you all for joining us in the Power Lounge. Until next time, everyone, keep asking, keep giving, and keep growing. We hope to see you next time. Bye.
