Together Digital Power Lounge, Women in Digital with Power to Share
Digital is a demanding and competitive field. And women are still grossly underpaid & underrepresented. But we are not powerless; we have each other. Together Digital Power Lounge is your place to hear authentic conversations from women in digital who have power to share. Listen and learn from our amazing guests along with host Amy Vaughan, Owner and Chief Empowerment Officer of Together Digital. Together Digital is a diverse and collaborative community of women who work in digital who choose to share their knowledge, power, and connections. To learn more, visit www.togetherindigital.com.
Together Digital Power Lounge, Women in Digital with Power to Share
Stop Explaining Yourself - Own The Room
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A leadership and visibility strategist on why women over-explain, and the four-part shift to executive presence and real authority in any room.
Dr. Rita Renee spent 30 years in executive healthcare leadership learning the difference between explaining yourself and owning the room. On this episode of The Power Lounge, she joins Amy Vaughan to unpack why so many high-performing women shrink their language before they even finish a sentence, and the specific words to use instead. This is a conversation about executive presence for women, precision in communication, and what it actually takes to lead with authority without losing your humanity.
Key takeaways
Explaining is convincing people you deserve to be in the room. Owning is knowing you already belong there.
Every extra qualifier, like just, maybe, or I think, quietly gives away your authority before you finish the sentence.
Precision has four parts: know your point before you start talking, lead with the headline, cut unnecessary qualifiers, and end clearly with what you recommend or need.
Confidence and kindness are not opposites. You can be warm and still be clear, and disagree without over-explaining why.
You do not have to be in every room. Be fully visible in the rooms that matter for the people you serve.
"Explaining is when you feel like I have to convince you that I deserve to be in the room. Owning is when I know I belong there."
Dr. Rita Renee
"Clarity is not about saying more. It's just making what matters impossible to miss."
Dr. Rita Renee
Timestamps
00:00 Welcome and introducing Dr. Rita Renee
01:05 Explaining versus owning the room
03:06 A 30 year lesson from healthcare leadership
04:43 The pattern holding high performing women back
07:26 Moving from seeking validation to stating your position
09:34 A real example of repositioning as a decision maker
11:34 Four strategies for precise communication
14:03 Confidence, kindness, and the fear of being too much
15:19 Executive presence on Zoom versus in the room
16:46 The first shift for women early in their career
19:47 The future of leadership communication
23:08 Power round with Dr. Rita Renee
25:47 How to connect with Dr. Rita Renee
Connect with Dr. Rita Renee
Website: https://drritarenee.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drritarenee/
Connect with Together Digital
Website: https://togetherindigital.com
Podcast: https://togetherindigital.com/podcast
Welcome And The Overexplaining Trap
SPEAKER_00Explaining is when you feel like I have to convince you that I deserve to be in the room. Owning is when I know I belong there. Every extra sentence can dilute your message. Clarity is not about saying more, it's just making what matters impossible to miss. Today, we are joined by Dr.
SPEAKER_01Rita Renee, a TEDx speaker, international keynote speaker, author, and leadership invisibility strategist who has dedicated her career to helping high-performing women strengthen their voice and lead with authority. My name is Amy Vaughn, and I am the owner and chief empowerment officer of Together Digital, a diverse and collaborative community of women who choose to share their knowledge, power, and connections. You can join the movement at Togetherindigital.com. And today we are joined by Dr. Rita Renee, a TEDx speaker, international keynote speaker, author, and leadership invisibility strategist who has dedicated her career to helping high-performing women strengthen their voice and lead with authority. With over 30 years of executive healthcare leadership experience, Dr. Rita understands what it takes to communicate in a high-stakes environment where clarity matters and influence determines impact. She teaches women how to stop over-explaining, stop shrinking, and start positioning themselves as decision makers, not just contributors. We are thrilled to have her here with us to talk about how we can all own the room with precision and presence. Welcome, Dr. Rita. We are thrilled to have you here. Thank you for having me, exciting. Yeah, absolutely. And I think a couple of the things that I'm probably the most speaking of being excited about is the overexplaining. Um, I think there's a I've been learning a lot lately through my personal journey and personal growth that that actually comes from a lot of like childhood experiences and trauma, but it's definitely a space where women um fall into and the shrinking
Explaining Vs Owning Your Authority
SPEAKER_01as well. Um and so that's why the topic stop explaining yourself own the room is so important. What would you say is the difference between explaining and owning? And why do so many talented women, in addition to maybe that childhood trauma, or if that's also part of it, like what causes us to default to this?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Um, explaining is when you feel like I have to convince you that I deserve to be in the room. Owning is when I know I belong there. So a lot of talented women overexplain because we've been conditioned to make people comfortable with our decisions. And so instead of saying, This is my recommendation, we say, I was just thinking, or maybe if somebody agrees, but every extra sentence can dilute your message. And that's why it's so important that owning the room doesn't mean being loud, it just means that you're clear that you can give context without giving away your authority.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, to know that you have and add value to those rooms that you're in, right? And to not have to feel like you have to justify. And I do think there's a couple of good practices I've seen in this, and I'm curious if you have any as well. But I know there used to be like a Google plugin that would scan your emails after you wrote them to remove all of your modifiers because we tend to marginalize ourselves with the just or I was thinking or I feel instead of more direct statements.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. Use those apps. Um, even use chat. You can remove all those filler words out so that you can be concise and consistent and just be confident about what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then I'm kind of curious, you know, spending 30 years in healthcare leadership, you've probably navigated some pretty high-stakes communications and conversations. Um, what was there a moment in particular that you realized that your approach to communication needed to shift, or was this like a gradual progression of kind of awakening to what needed to change?
SPEAKER_00Well, one of my biggest lessons I've learned in healthcare was that competence alone wasn't enough. I couldn't know the information, I could understand the situation, I had the experience, but I couldn't communicate what needed to be to happen next confidently, especially in high pressure environments, because I was afraid of my opinion being shot down. My expertise wasn't having the impact it could have if I was more confident. So I realized that I needed to stop giving people a long road to my point, right? You have these long dissertations to explain yourself, and that changed how I communicated. I learned to lead with um issues that stated that um and stated the things that I recommend without over-explaining. So that explained that that that was the the moment that I said, you know what, my opinion has value, my experience has value. And that was a major shift for me from um pivoting that I knew something to communicating in a way that moved people to action.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's kind of like in journalism we joke about burying the lead. It sounds like what you're saying is don't bury your opinion in a bunch of explanation. You just need to be able to state it simply and clearly. Absolutely. I love that. So you work with a lot of high-performing women. We those are our listening audience, um, those who are on with us right now and listening later, um, who are already accomplished incredible. What's the most common consuming communication pattern that you see holding the women that you work with back from the level of influence that they really do deserve?
SPEAKER_00Well, I see a lot of them minimize what they already know. It's like they want to keep up with the next best thing, but just hone into the thing that you know that you have the experience and expertise in. And these are accomplished women that do this all the time. They have all the credentials, experience, results, and expertise. But sometimes they wouldn't like really show up fully and communicate what they knew. They'll say things like, Um, I'm not sure, but this may be silly, this may be a silly question. You know, we heard that sometimes. We probably did that sometimes too. But they're credible before they even open up their mouth. Their language starts negotiating away their credibility. So I tell women, stop shrinking the sentence before you even finish saying it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. I wonder how much of it, too, is like a desire to remain relevant. A lot of our members have like 20 years of experience, which is a lot. And they are like the the MO of our members is like in our community is people who are consistent learners, right? We always want to be learning and growing, which is fantastic. But I do worry, and I don't know if you see this as well or if you have thoughts on it, that some of that stems from, you know, as we get older as women, we get more marginalized still. We become more invisible still. And so there's like this desire to feel like you have to keep up with everything because it is about staying relevant yourself.
SPEAKER_00So my thought on that is um women shouldn't feel like they seem more invisible as we go along because I feel like a lot of that is done because we're in the rooms that we don't necessarily need to be in. We don't have to be in every room. You just need to be in the room that's important for you and the people that you're trying to serve.
SPEAKER_01I love that. You're hitting on something really important there, Dr. Rita. I think women too, we often get conditioned that doing is leading and being everywhere and doing everything is leading.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01And you're saying, no, like you don't don't do be doing it all, don't be in every room. Um, be selective, right?
SPEAKER_00If you're in the room with those three main people that need your services, that need your wisdom and expertise, you're in the right room. You're not invisible to them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You're very visible to them. So be visible for them.
SPEAKER_01I love that.
Confidence Without Consensus
SPEAKER_01So, how do you coach women to move from seeking permission and validation to just simply stating their position with authority? Because I can imagine those are hard habits to break.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I teach them to separate um confidence from consensus. Like you don't need everyone to agree with you before you can clearly state what you believe. Instead of, would it be okay if you if we consider this? Doing all of that, that's that's so much extra work. Or what questions do you have instead of, I just wanted to add, you know, smaller language shifts can completely change how people experience your authority.
SPEAKER_01Love it. That's great advice. It also kind of reminds me of um Adam Grant's uh give and take book out there that talks about disagreeable givers and how you have like agreeable givers who kind of, you know, tell everybody what they want to hear. You've got your disagreeable takers who everybody knows those guys, they suck. And then you've got your agreeable takers who are a little more sketched, right? You really have to watch because they're gonna tell you what they want to hear, but they're doing it from a place that they want to take. Whereas I really try to encourage people and I even myself to be a disagreeable giver. And that really does mean sharing my opinions, thoughts, and voice, even when it's not in agreement, but it's in the spirit of giving, of making the work better, the situation better, the environment better, whatever that might need to be.
SPEAKER_00Right. I love that because you know what? We we can't please everybody. No, yeah. We we we just can't please everybody. And so my thing of it, just be the best you and those people will gravitate to you. People want to know that you care before they care about what you know anyway. So build relationships first. I love it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that relational one-on-one is absolutely necessary. You're right, you have to earn a little bit of that trust, you know, with others one-on-one before you can just like walk into the room. Unfortunately, I don't think we always have that privilege, right?
SPEAKER_00Um, you know what? You don't have to wait to be invited. You can always create your own room. That as well.
SPEAKER_01Yes, absolutely. Absolutely love it. Okay,
Talk Like A Decision Maker
SPEAKER_01could you give us um maybe a concrete example of how women re-a woman that you've worked with, or even you, repositioned herself um as a decision maker rather than just a contributor? Because again, that's another pivot for women who are in middle management struggle with, right?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And I've been at the same corporation for 22 years, so I understand. So I've worked with women who are already doing like leadership level work, but they um kind of communicate like they're supporting the staff in the room. They're they're acting like they're part of the staff, but sometimes it can be a problem. So one woman would come into a meeting, prepare the um with the solutions for the day, but she presented everything as suggestions. She would give everyone in the room uh an opportunity to validate the idea that she brought instead of just owning it herself. So we changed one thing first. First, we have to change the language. So instead of saying, maybe we should consider doing this, she began saying, based on what we've been seeing, my recommendation, this is how we're gonna be moving forward. So the same woman, same expertise, same information, but different positioning. And people began responding to her differently. And then finally, she communicated herself on the level that she has been presenting herself or wanted to be seen all along.
SPEAKER_01Great example. I love that. Those small language shifts make such a big difference, and that's something you can start to practice right away, right? You don't have to wait tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00You don't have to be in leadership to do it either.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yes, yes, yeah. The whole waiting for permission thing, I feel like is another struggle for us, right? We just kind of wait to be given the opportunity or handed it or asked to do it versus just stepping into it. I love that. All right. Um, what specific communication strategies seem to help women show up with uh precision, whether it comes to being in meetings or boardrooms or even virtual environments like these?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely. I would give them four things to think about. Like first, know your point before you start talking. So if you don't know where you're going, everyone else has to travel through your thoughts with you. And that's that could be a maze. So we don't want to be doing that. And then second, we want to lead with the headline. So give me the most important information first, because you know how our attention spans can be, right? And then third, remove unnecessary qualifiers. Words like just maybe, kind of, hopefully. I think we can weaken a strong statement, you know, make it feel comfortable for everybody. Don't do it. We don't want to overuse those words. And then the fourth thing is in clearly. What do you recommend? What do you need? What decisions need to be made? That's precision. Clarity is not about saying more, it's just making what matters impossible to miss.
SPEAKER_01That right there, that's such a powerful line. And I think that oftentimes, you know, we had a workshop recently and we were talking about this more in the context of even our home lives. Like even what you're describing right now, Dr. Rita, like this could be used at home with your kids, right? You say, I help clean the kitchen. But if you don't paint the picture and make that point, make it clearly and you know, finish on that means I want the dishwasher emptied and refilled, the counters wiped, the handles wiped down everywhere, and the floor swept, you know? Because clean means something different to everyone. Exactly. Especially to a kid, and maybe even to a guy. And so it's like if you don't paint that picture, you know, it's like you can't expect to have what you need done the way you want it done. And then I think again, that's what the trap we fall into, right? Is that we don't explain ourselves clearly, we don't say it firmly, and then we look at the kitchen just as a continue of that reference, and then we say, it wasn't done well, and now I need to go back and do it again.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely get frustrated when we did we weren't clear in the first place.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yeah. So owning that little bit and using some of the tools you're talking about here is is really going to help save us too, right? From feeling like we have to come in and save the day on these projects. And that gives the autonomy, clarity, and opportunity to our team, right? Delegation. Oh my gosh. Delegation. That could be a whole other episode.
Warmth With Boundaries On Zoom
SPEAKER_01All right. There is often an underlying fear when women are trying to own the room. Um, fear is kind of for being seen as aggressive, unapproachable, unkind. I've heard a lot of these words thrown at me and other women that I've talked to within our community. How do you help them navigate that tension between that um looking to kind of establish their confidence, but also remain, remain connected?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I just remind women that confidence and kindness, they are not, you know, opposites. You can be warm and still be clear. You can listen and still disagree. You can empathize with people and still have boundaries. And you can say no without a five-paragraph explanation for no. So owning the room is not dominating the room, it's being fully present in it. And so I tell women: don't trade clarity for likability, but don't trade human humanity for authority either. You can have both.
SPEAKER_01I love that. That's so fantastic. We're gonna have some good sound bites from today's conversation. I can tell already. I love it. All right. Um, so your work spans in both in-person and digital spaces. What does the challenge of communicating with authority shift when we're on something like a Zoom call versus an actual conference room? And what are some things that stay the same?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, digitally, um, everything becomes more like concentrated. But on Zoom, people see your face, right? They can hear your voice, they can notice your energy in the very small frame. But you don't have the same physical present when you're walking into a conference room. So digitally, you have to be more intentional about you know, um, eye contact with the camera, even now while I'm talking with you, making sure I'm in and looking at the camera, vocal energy, posture, you're all that. But what stays the same is the foundation, right? You do know what you want to say, you do believe what you are saying to be true, right? And you can communicate clearly. So technology can change the room, but it doesn't change the uh requirement for presence.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I do agree, and I think it is easy for people to sort of fall prey to like the the tendency, the desire, the I don't know, the pull to multitask. I think sometimes too when they're on digital and not as actively listen. And like you said, uh camera eye contact, all of that stuff. And it's but it's such good practice, you know, and it's good for when you're in person too, but yeah, even more so when you're in the virtual environment because I I don't know, I think we can people pick up on a lot more than what we realize, both in person and virtual. So yeah, exactly. I love it.
Stop Waiting For Permission
SPEAKER_01That's good advice. All right, for women who are just beginning to claim their experience and authority, what's the first shift in their mindset or a behavior that you would encourage them to make? Say they're earlier in their career.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this is stop feeling like you have to be completely ready. There's always going to be another credential you can earn, uh, another class you can take, probably another book you can read, another person you can compare yourself to. But at some point you have to acknowledge what you've already known. And um, I would ask, what have you earned the right to speak about because you've lived it, learned it, and led through it, or produced results in it and start there. And you are not claiming to know everything. We don't know everything, but you are simply refusing to pretend that you don't know anything. Yes. That's great. I love it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that's a that's a it's an interesting thing, you know, because not all, I guess that's a follow-up to that question. How do you how do you work for that when you are in an environment that doesn't really invite that sort of thing where they kind of do, like say you are an intern or maybe you are first year out of college and and going out there? Um what are some other ways, maybe even outside of work, that you can start to get that practice?
SPEAKER_00I think it's very important for have a mentor or a coach. Even coaches need coaches. I have a coach. Okay, I have several coaches. So I think that's very important. And it's also also very important to have an accountability person where you can share your true thoughts and be vulnerable, um, be transparent and get the advice that you need and don't and they can encourage you, right? They can see that you're you're being frustrated, you're being challenged, and how to work through that without losing your reputation and using losing your professional posture while you're growing.
SPEAKER_01I love that professional posture. I like that. That's a really good word. I like that phrase. I'm gonna borrow that because I do think it does take exercise and practice. And that's one thing I would have to say that I love about our together digital community is I noticed that between our Slack community, our peer groups, speaking events, um, our mentorship program, all of that, like it's almost like it's like a it's a safe space, right? Like that's what you're describing. A safe spaces for you to kind of build exercising that muscle of exercising your voice, because a lot of us have been in spaces and places where questions weren't welcome, thoughts and ideas weren't welcome, opinions definitely weren't welcome. And so it's really easy to kind of just silence ourselves before it's even happened. So finding places where you can sort of stretch those legs, essentially, um, I think is always good to help you get more confident and comfortable with speaking your truths, you know? Absolutely, I agree. Yeah, I love it. All right, as you look to the future of leadership and communication, what is your biggest hope for how we show up differently?
SPEAKER_00That we probably stop confusing visibility with performance. Because I see a lot of people doing that and they're not authentic. I want to see leaders who can communicate with clarity without creating a character, right? That they have to become every time they walk into the room. I want women to be able to own their expertise, use their voices, make decisions, set boundaries, and lead without constantly asking, am I too much? Because I get that sometimes. The future needs leaders like us, right? Who are clear, courageous, connected, and human.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. I love that. Because yeah, at first I was gonna ask you, I'm like, oh, explain that a little bit more. But I do think that there's this is why I have the issue with the term, which is why I liked your professional posture better than executive presence. The term, I don't know about you, but the term of executive presence always got under my skin because I think to me it is veiled feedback when women get told. I don't know a man who has ever been told. If there's a guy listening and you have been told, please message me, email me, whatever, and tell me if you've been ever told that you need to work on your professional, like your executive presence. Because I feel like it's only ever been women when I'm in the corporate or like agency environment.
SPEAKER_00And to me, it just sounds like I have seen and heard from men who have said they have been told the same thing too. Yeah. Um so it it happens on both ends, maybe not as much on one end as the other, but it happens on both ends, and I contributed. All of this to a heart issue, and that's a whole nother segment. A heart issue? Yes, a heart issue. How people, um, their values and how they see other people um not as um property, not as um more than just an employee, but uh extension of themselves. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. Well, because I think oftentimes, right, when we when I I guess just when I hear you need to work on your executive presence, I have nothing wrong with professionalism, don't get me wrong. I think it just it feels more like a performative box you're asking somebody to exist in. And it like to your point earlier, it doesn't feel like authentic leadership. It feels like look like, speak like, sound like, act like your atypical leader, which is usually why it says male. So yeah, doesn't create a whole lot of opportunity for unique and diverse voices when that feels like we're all being kind of pushed into that box. But that's just me and my little soapbox.
SPEAKER_00So it is okay. It is okay because we all had different experiences. I've just had an experience where I've just been accepted um based on my performance and nothing else. So that's fantastic.
SPEAKER_01That's and I think that just goes to say a lot about again, like your courage, your ability to communicate yourself really well and to show up. I mean, that's half the battle, is just like doing it and showing up and being like, yeah, I belong here. Absolutely. This is my room, you know, and I I know that that's it.
SPEAKER_00And if I can't stay in this room because I don't have everything I need, then I take that responsibility on myself to learn more, to get out there, to ask for help so I can be in the room and there's no excuse why I can't.
SPEAKER_01I love it. That's such a great mindset. That's the right mindset, I think, that all of us could take away and learn from
Power Round And Ways To Connect
SPEAKER_01today. All right, we're gonna get into our power around questions. I'm gonna check our live listener chat too, just to see if there's any comments or questions. I think we're good there right now. And then um we're gonna go to our power around questions. So these are our fun little like rapid fire questions. But live listening audience, if you do have questions for Dr. Rita, please drop them into the chat. That's why we love having you here with us. We want to make sure we get all the bases covered, that we get all of the wisdom and genius out of Dr. Rita as we can. Ooh, give me a second, hold on. Clear my throat. All right. All right, on to the power round. What is one phrase that women say most often that immediately underf undermines their authority?
SPEAKER_00I'm sorry. I hate that phrase.
SPEAKER_01Uh sorry, not sorry. Yes, overapologizing is huge. I'm so guilty. I've tried to get better. In fact, oh, here's my trick for that, Dr. Rita, and tell me what you think. Um, I instead, because I'm so so say somebody tells me, oh, hey, Amy, you left the attachment off of an email. How many times have we done that, right? And you're always like, I'm so sorry. And then you send the the attachment. I always say thank you instead of sorry. Thank you for pointing that out to me. That's my trick to keep me from saying sorry.
SPEAKER_00I love that perfect, perfect response.
SPEAKER_01I have nothing to add. I love it. And then if you could give one piece of advice to your younger self as a leader, what would it be?
SPEAKER_00Stop waiting for permission to become who you already know you're capable of being. Yes, let's go. I love it.
SPEAKER_01Finish this sentence.
SPEAKER_00Precision in communication means saying what needs to be said in a way that needs to be heard without burying a message.
SPEAKER_01Love it. And then last but not least, the most powerful question you ask when coaching a woman who is ready to own her expertise.
SPEAKER_00What would you say differently if you stopped worrying about whether everyone in the room approved of you?
SPEAKER_01Oh say that one again.
SPEAKER_00What would you say differently if you stopped worrying about whether every woman in the or every person in the room approved of you?
SPEAKER_01That is such a good question. I love that. Sorry, I just want to make sure that they got that because they, oh, y'all, don't lose that. That's an important one. All right. I don't see anything in the chat. Um, this was amazing. Dr. Rita, I'm so glad that you were here with us today. This conversation was very much needed. I know for me, great reminders for our live listeners, for our listeners of the podcast. Um, it's so good. If you want to connect with uh people want to connect with you, Dr. Rita, what is the best way to do that? All platforms at Dr. Rita Renee. Okay, fantastic. Thank you all for listening. And if you're ready to refine your message, claim your expertise, and show up with clarity and precision. We'd love to see you within the Together Digital community. Also connect with and reach out to Dr. Rita. Head on over to the Together in Digital website to join us if you're looking for connection and community. You'll also find all this and every other episode of the Power Lounge available free on YouTube and wherever you stream podcasts. Dr. Rita, thank you again so much. This was delightful.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_01All right, everyone. Thank you for joining us. We appreciate you taking the time today. We hoped you took away something good. Please be sure to share on social, tag Dr. Rita, tag Dr. Digital, or Dr. Digital, together digital. Good. I'm so glad it's Friday, y'all. Everyone, have a wonderful weekend. Until next time, keep asking, keep giving, and keep growing. Thanks all.
